Tag: narcissisticabuse

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11. Integrating Sexual Identity After Narcissistic Abuse

“….It is the opening of the up and out of here, [out] of being bogged down, down into the dumps, into the depths. Depths of despair and uncertainty and un-reality of caring. Caring for my wound. His wound.”

Narcissists don’t know how to truly engage with us emotionally, and that means sexual interactions with them are empty and abusive as well.

Emotional intimacy feels threatening to a narcissist, because it requires vulnerability, transparency, and trust. They can’t present themselves as perfect and in charge when they’re so intimately engaged…so they’ll avoid it at all costs.

And, in turn, sexual interactions with a narcissist are not emotionally intimate. Some narcissists may appear distant, like their mind is in another place, they’re especially short-tempered and judgmental when it comes to physical intimacy, or they avoid it altogether…coming up with excuses not to devote energy to this part of your relationship.

On the other hand, maybe you’ve experienced a narcissist who seemed hyper focused on sexual interactions with you. This might feel fun at first, but becomes demanding and objectifying, and again…devoid of true emotional connection.

At its worst, sexual interaction with a narcissist can become more overtly abusive…with rape and other forms of sexual assault not uncommon.

All this said, I think it’s very normal for survivors of narcissistic abuse to have a tremendous amount of emotions to unpack around their sexuality, femininity, and how to relate to men in various ways…including sexually. Just like all other aspects of our identities that get confused, enmeshed with the narcissist, or flat out lost altogether…this is one area that’s very important to explore.

On today’s episode of Art That Overcomes, I’m sharing a painting I completed a few years ago that really helped me integrate the sexual aspects of my identity into my general sense of Self.

Scroll down to view the art image, related free association writing, and Message From Your Future Self that I discuss in Episode 11: Integrating Sexual Identity After Narcissistic Abuse.

Listen and subscribe to Art That Overcomes on Apple Podcasts or Spotify, right now! Or go here to listen on the web. If you like it, give it a 5 star rating and review so that other Overcomers can find it too (all those listens and reviews bump it up in the algorithm).

>Missed last week’s podcast email? CLICK HERE to read what I had to say about Episode 10: My Interview on Think Unbroken Podcast – How ART can HEAL YOU.

Episode 11: Integrating Sexual Identity After Abuse

Before I worked on this painting the very first day, I stated an intention for my artmaking time. It was:

“I will explore that ‘ugh’ feeling in my gut. I will learn more about it. I will see what it has to say to me. I will listen to it.”


From my writing after the first day of painting:

“…in there in the middle of it all. Of the chaos and red and orange and green. The slashes, so many slashes and orange lines.

What are the orange parts?

The orange is the heaven in there. It is the opening of the up and out of here, [out] of being bogged down, down into the dumps, into the depths. Depths of despair and uncertainty and un-reality of caring. Caring for my wound. His wound. The dirt…

There’s so much fire! Blue and orange…

What are they?

The helpers. The believers…”


On another day, later in the process, I wrote:

“This feels chaotic. The end of known time. This is unknown realms up in here, up in the air. What will I do with it? I don’t know. I can’t. I can’t anymore today….

The dark part is coming and I like it and I don’t…

What are you teaching me?

TO BECOME…. She took shape like the other one (referring to a previous painting). The orange one found meaning and light through her form — the light. The light that made me feel uneasy.

But I found I had to go through all the orange stuff to get to her. She was more beautiful, initially – in a way. Now oh so much more complex. Ugly in places. Not making sense. But every part is there….all underneath and in between and fighting and together and beautiful and unwarranted and wanting and needing and lusting and calling and coming out alive in the dust, and the ridicule of losses and gains and ins and outs of wanting. I love her…in all of me…

Will she come out?

Sometimes.”

A Message From Your Future Self

“What parts of you feel wrong today?

Where do you feel like you’ve messed up, fallen short, or failed to be enough?

I want you to hold those thoughts and feelings. Hold them tight, for just a few moments. Ball up your fists, imagining that they’re tangible objects you’re grasping in your hands. Press them tight…and count to five…1, 2, 3, 4, 5…

Now…release.

Relax your hands and imagine those failures, mistakes, feelings of guilt and the weight of never measuring up…they all just float away. You watch them…floating…floating….moving farther and farther away into the distance, until they’re only tiny specks. Then…they’re gone completely.

Look down at your empty hands and envision then filling up with light, beauty, love, compassion, confidence, creativity…so much worth.

I’m here with you.

I’m your Future Self, waiting to unfold the fullness of who I am, hour by hour, day by day. It’s in these little moments of letting go, and filling back up, that you move toward me.

It doesn’t *always* have to be complicated.

Sometimes it’s just a matter of being present, and willing to let go.

-Your Future Self”

We are a community of Overcomers!

Looking to connect with other women who get it? Click here to join my FREE Facebook Group, Women Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse. It’s a private community designed just for you.

Ready to go deeper?

CLICK HERE to learn about the monthly Redefined Membership, which includes my 10-week Challenge, The Redefined Process.

❤️Jennifer

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10. My Interview on Think Unbroken Podcast – How ART can HEAL YOU

Hey Overcomer!

Today’s episode of Art That Overcomes is out of the box for me, but in celebration of episode TEN (woo-hoo!) I thought it was perfect timing to do something a little special.

Episode 10: My Interview on Think Unbroken Podcast – How ART can HEAL YOU

This week I want to share with you a very special podcast interview I did with Michael Unbroken on the Think Unbroken Podcast. I’ve gotten so much out of Michael’s work, and it was such a privilege to appear on his show.

In this interview, you’ll hear me share more of my backstory than I have anywhere else, and you’ll also learn more about some foundational principles behind art therapy. I know that Michael likes to go deep with his guests, so I didn’t hold anything back. I really hope you get a lot out of it!


Listen and subscribe to Art That Overcomes on Apple Podcasts or Spotify, right now! If you like it, give it a 5 star rating and review so that other Overcomers can find it too (all those listens and reviews bump it up in the algorithm).

>Missed last week’s podcast email? CLICK HERE to check out the art and message from your future self featured in Episode 9: Who am I, anyway?

We are a community of Overcomers!

Looking to connect with other women who get it? Click here to join my FREE Facebook Group, Women Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse. It’s a private community designed just for you.

Ready to go deeper?

CLICK HERE to learn about the monthly Redefined Membership, which includes my 10-week Challenge, The Redefined Process.

❤️Jennifer

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9. Who am I, anyway?

“…what if the trial you want me to overcome is my fear of truly being me…my creative self…totally putting myself out there for all to see? What if my flaw is not in failing to be practical enough, but in failing to JUMP…fully into the waves, trusting your love will catch me there. There’s love beneath the waves.”

I’m sharing with you in real time today, Overcomer.

I’m not sitting up high on a pedestal of self-actualization, condescending to share my knowledge with you. I am a survivor…an Overcomer…of narcissistic abuse, still very much on this journey of healing and redefining my identity.

I’m here to share some tools and skills with you that I’ve learned along the way, and to show you how I am STILL using them to become more and more of who I am meant to be.

On today’s episode of Art That Overcomes, I’m getting super vulnerable. I invite you to hear what aspects of my identity I’m currently struggling with the most. I’m feeling tension between two different parts of my Self, and still wrestling through it.

And as always, it’s my art and writing process that is helping me uncover what I need along the way.

I hope you’ll listen in…

Scroll down to view the art image, related free association writing, and Message From Your Future Self that I discuss in Episode 9: Who am I, anyway?.

Listen and subscribe to Art That Overcomes on Apple Podcasts or Spotify, right now! If you like it, give it a 5 star rating and review so that other Overcomers can find it too (all those listens and reviews bump it up in the algorithm).

>Missed last week’s podcast email? CLICK HERE to check out the art and message from your future self featured in Episode 8: From Trapped to Transformed.

Episode 9: Who am I, Anyway?

Writing from Day 1:

“It’s flowing, it’s bursting and bulging. It’s open.

Is it? Is it open?

Its’ open through the backside. I can see through it. Like how my other painting was going, flowing, through the ocean, through the wall. This is moving THROUGH – through me. Coming, reaching, into the unknown. Into you (God)- my divine source of all that’s REAL, not surreal.

You are the real deal, the coming and going. You make it happen. I have to connect, here in the ether, here in this space in between the chaos of thoughts and mind, beyond the paper. You’re there in the inside, the deep trenches of it. You MOVE. And I want to swim in you. To fully grasp this picture I have – this sense of me in you, the version of me (the realest, truest version) that is inside you and you inside me. Like in all the recesses of that circle.

I want to go through it and dive right in and tuck my head, my face, right inside. To never come out to see the “light” of day – the everything else that’s around and distracting and pulling me out. I want you. I trust YOU.

Can I trust you?

Can you? What has time shown?

Yes. A resounding yes. The truest most consistent thing is you. You and me, me and you. My artist self is all in you.

What is the yellow?

You (God), and my muddy circle is diving in to greet you and live in you and be”

Writing from Day 2:

“You look like a flower. Are you a flower?

I’m loving and warm and thick and juicy. Tactile. Full. rough and smooth. Little divots and bumps and whole places and empty spots.

I say…

I’m drawn to that shape in the middle(ish). Like it’s a little piece that I can grab and tear. Put one finger along the edge and rip. Rip this circle open. DIVE IN. Put my face and chest through that circle-flower-shape and feel the warmth of that yellow background and feel fully alive.

It’s like that thickness of the oil pastel on the surface is beautiful and smudgy and luscious and I like it, but it feels like it’s so…on the surface. It’s the top coat, the finished part, the presentable piece.

The respectable part?

I don’t know. The easy part, maybe. Pretty and easy.

What’s back there once you go through, rip through?

Just so much more, and I’m not sure yet but it feels right. It feels open and alive and I’ll figure it out. I’ll keep stepping into it. But I know it’s something I stand firm in – a place I stand firm in, no matter what is outside, no matter what job, what other circumstances, what other people or influences. It’s still strong. I’m still strong in this fullness of who I am.”

A Message From Your Future Self

“This journey can be so confusing. So frustrating. So full of obstacles.

You long to speed things up…to jump through a few months or years of this pain and adjustment and doubt…

You wish you could leap to where I am now; so much more trusting and self-assured in the future.

I want to remind you, today…

You are in exactly the right place, time, and circumstance. All the strength and power and knowledge and skill that you need to reach me is within you now. And you ARE uncovering it…one small piece at a time.

Rather than envisioning this process of Becoming as a building of bricks one on top of another…a system of adding and adding more and more…

Consider this image:

You are a painting, a piece of art created by so many others.

One layer from your mother…your father.
Another from your siblings.
A layer from your work, and schooling.
One thick and muddy layer from the narcissist.
And a heaping smear of confusion on top.

There’s nothing that you, or anyone else, needs to add here.

This is an uncovering.

It’s time to peel back the layers of who they created you to be. It’s time to gently, with caring attention, tend to YOU…the real and true You that lies beneath.”

-Your Future Self”

We are a community of Overcomers!

Looking to connect with other women who get it? Click here to join my FREE Facebook Group, Women Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse. It’s a private community designed just for you.

Ready to go deeper?

CLICK HERE to learn about the monthly Redefined Membership, which includes my 10-week Challenge, The Redefined Process.

❤️Jennifer

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8. From Trapped to Transformed

“…I’m being held back- from exploring, traveling, from joy! from being fully comfortable in my own skin.”

What happens when we feel restricted and trapped by abusive individuals, BUT we take a risk and trust ourselves for a change?

Everything, that’s what.

Everything in our life starts to shift from that point…for the better.

On today’s episode of Art That Overcomes I’m excited and honored to share an insightful piece of art and writing from Alex, one of my group coaching clients.

She took a chance on herself and did the very hard work of making time and space to explore all parts of herself…and all the ways the angry and difficult parts mixed with the good and joyful parts…ALL of it.

I can’t wait for you to hear from her.

In addition to her writing in response to the artwork, I’ll be sharing a testimonial of her reflections after completing The Redefined Process. Her growth and insight is inspiring. Seriously. I wouldn’t skip this episode.

Scroll down to view the art image, related free association writing, and Message From Your Future Self that I discuss in Episode 8: From Trapped to Transformed.

Listen and subscribe to Art That Overcomes on Apple Podcasts or Spotify, right now! If you like it, give it a 5 star rating and review so that other Overcomers can find it too (all those listens and reviews bump it up in the algorithm).

>Missed last week’s podcast email? CLICK HERE to check out the art and message from your future self featured in Episode 7: What’s really keeping you stuck.

Episode 8: From Trapped to Transformed

“…I’m being held back- from exploring, traveling, from joy! from being fully comfortable in my own skin. I do feel trapped in that box – the BIG, funny, ME emotions and parts that just want to BE OKAY, and the bridge shows some of that experimenting, and the destination is just fully ok to be ALEX, planted by streams of living water, sprawled out on the grass, safe, me. There’s no more fear of doing something wrong (the blue spirals on the left), it’s like a release of the intensity, everything isn’t so heightened and eggshell-like. I’m no longer sinking on the bottom (on the left), but I’m sprawled out, fully Alex, no judgment, just peace.”

She imagines if the drawing could talk, and asks…

“What do you need?

To not be afraid.

How do you feel?

I feel hesitant. And like I need help getting there.

Who are you?

I’m a scared little girl who wants to be free and ALIVE and me again.”

A Message From Your Future Self

“I invite you to imagine with me, today…

Envision with me, now… You are lying, or seated, in a beautiful open field. The grass is green and the air is brisk. You are fully at peace. Fully safe here. Alive and free to feel the breeze on your skin, and the warmth of the sun on your face.

You look up at the sky. It’s bright blue and seems to go on forever. Massive, white, fluffy clouds slowly glide by…slipping over the sun for a moment…then moving on to reveal its rays again.

‘What if I were like the clouds?’, you ponder… ‘What if I could glide and shift through time and space, without all the bumps and scrapes and hardships along the way?’

As you continue to observe the clouds, you also turn your attention to the ground beneath you. It’s so firm, solid, and secure. You are stable here…supported.

My question for you:

What if both can be true?

What if you can float along, full of beauty and grace like the clouds…but also sit firm and grounded on the reality of the hard earth beneath you?

What if your most beautiful existence requires both…the tension between the two?

I invite you to trust. Move forward knowing that the hard work and struggles are forming you just as much as the moments of ease. It’s all helping you move closer to this future version of you… the You that you long to be .

Let’s hold the tension…together.

-Your Future Self”

We are a community of Overcomers!

Looking to connect with other women who get it? Click here to join my FREE Facebook Group, Women Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse. It’s a private community designed just for you.

Ready to go deeper?

CLICK HERE to learn about the monthly Redefined Membership, which includes my 10-week Challenge, The Redefined Process.

❤️Jennifer

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7. What’s really keeping you stuck.

“I long to let it go and I don’t know how.”

Have you ever felt this way, Overcomer? Like there’s something you long to move past, get over, or let go of….and you just can’t seem to do it. It doesn’t make sense. It’s confusing. It feels like you’re working against yourself, even though you don’t want to be.

Not only have I been there in the past, but I honestly think it’s an ongoing part of the human condition. It’s something we have to constantly be aware of and address.

The good news….

I believe it does get easier once we are aware of this push-pull dynamic within ourselves, and once we’ve gotten some practice addressing it.

But you’ve gotta be willing to get honest with yourself.

If you’re fed up with feeling stuck, then today’s episode of Art That Overcomes is for you.

Scroll down to view the art image, related free association writing, and Message From Your Future Self that I discuss in Episode 7: What’s really keeping you stuck.

Listen and subscribe to Art That Overcomes on Apple Podcasts or Spotify, right now! If you like it, give it a 5 star rating and review so that other Overcomers can find it too (all those listens and reviews bump it up in the algorithm).

>Missed last week’s podcast email? CLICK HERE to check out the art and message from your future self featured in Episode 6: I am Whole.

Art That Overcomes Podcast, Episode 7: What’s really keeping you stuck.

“It’s bulging out, pushing in. And I’m pushing back, keeping all of its calmness and blessings at bay. That anxiety and pain and uncertainty and dread and depression and fatigue and loneliness and not enough-ness and this-will-always-be-hard and I cannot be loved…⁠
⁠
All of that is stored up in my body, in my chest and in my gut and it’s so familiar that I coddle it and take such good care of it like a baby in my arms, like something sweet and powerful and good that I must protect, at all costs, like I would be lost without it. I HOLD it, so TIGHT…⁠
⁠
I long to let it go and I don’t know how. ⁠
⁠
I’ve been treating myself like ‘I’ve grown and learned and changed and now I’ll stay comfy for a while.’ But [God], you want me to move. You see me moving and am moving me. You have the power but you call me to act, to reach out to you. ⁠
⁠
What does this feel like? The reaching out?⁠
⁠
It’s starting to feel like home. I can see it from here. It can be my new familiar safe place. ⁠
⁠
Can I let my guard down? Should I?⁠
⁠
With you [God] I can. It’s you and me, but that does not have to exclude another. As I open myself up to you, lay down fear, put away what is familiar, step away from it, and fasten, fix, focus my eyes and actions and affections and satisfaction and contentment and fulfillment and joy on you, then I can move towards others…”⁠

A Message From Your Future Self

“We hold so many things back, don’t we?

Sometimes this makes sense, for sure. We’ve been hurt, abused, and betrayed. Not every person, and not every circumstance deserves our full self. Not everyone is worthy of the time, energy, and trust that it takes to present ourselves fully, honest and uncensored.

But what about the things you hold back from me….from yourself?

Do you realize that the fullest, most beautiful and vulnerable parts of You are safe here? Do you understand that I’m on the other side of this and I see now…clearly?

I see you…in full.

And I know, now…those parts you hold back…those feelings that are hardest to face…those words you hesitate to say…and the thoughts you won’t release…that’s all that holds you here.

You feel stuck in a loop of thoughts, beliefs, and emotions that weigh you down.

But it’s actually the release that you fear most.

Deep down, I remember how we feared letting go……………

How the unknown felt so scary… But now I see. I SEE.

I see how once you were willing to take one little step after another…once you were willing to release…just a bit…to pry even one finger off the familiar feelings you clench so tightly…

…once you started… You couldn’t be stopped.

Once You decided to be honest with yourself, you soared.

-Your Future Self”

We are a community of Overcomers!

Looking to connect with other women who get it? Click here to join my FREE Facebook Group, Women Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse. It’s a private community designed just for you.

Ready to go deeper?

CLICK HERE to learn about the monthly Redefined Membership, which includes my 10-week Challenge, The Redefined Process.

❤️Jennifer

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6. I am Whole.

“…I am me and that’s ALL I will ever be. And all I need. ME- she’s protected, she’s cared for, she’s whole.”⁠

It all comes back to identity. Every single time.

I’ve found that the root cause of our feeling of stuck-ness in life, lack of confidence, self doubt, you name it… those lingering symptoms from the trauma of narcissistic abuse…they hang around because we’ve lost our connection to our identity.

We don’t know who we are anymore. Our sense of self was so enmeshed with the abuser that we didn’t know where they ended and we began. Breaking out of that pattern and boldly stepping into the uncharted waters of Self…the new and unexplored You…is very hard, and very scary at times.

In this episode of Art That Overcomes, we’ll be diving into some ways of reconnecting with and redefining identity. We are reminding ourselves: I am whole. Your true sense of self isn’t lost somewhere outside of you. It’s all there, within you now. It’s time to tap into it.

Scroll down to view the art images, related free association writing, and Message From Your Future Self that I discuss in Episode 6: I am Whole.

Listen and subscribe to Art That Overcomes on Apple Podcasts or Spotify, right now! If you like it, give it a 5 star rating and review so that other Overcomers can find it too (all those listens and reviews bump it up in the algorithm).

>Missed last week’s podcast email? CLICK HERE to check out the art and message from your future self featured in Episode 5: How to do this art process.

Art That Overcomes, Episode 6: I am Whole.

“…Am I the same girl I was then?⁠
⁠
Yes, all the feelings and swirlings, *but* now lived out, now expressed, now understanding that they can stretch so much farther and that is so unknown and scary and WTF is happening?⁠
⁠
My body doesn’t know what to do. My very nervous system wants to shut down. This feels so unsafe and unknown – my body is firing the battle cry, the warning – this is really fight/flight now. But actually I’m fawning, stopping, immobilized. ⁠
⁠
The paths in the drawing, the black one, where does it lead? ⁠
⁠
To the orange stickers (tape).⁠
⁠
Do they stop there or continue?⁠
⁠
They will go down the table and out through the door and spread like a web, but it feels bad…⁠
⁠
Is the black bad? What is it?⁠
⁠
…it’s good to recognize it before it overtakes again. It’s been running the show, Jennifer. It’s reaching its peak and then it will fade and won’t be so intense, brilliant and strong. But right now it’s trying to rear its ugly head and find a way out and that way is through YOU. It has to come out and is fighting through your pores and your mask and needs liberation…⁠
⁠
It will never come to the forefront of the show because I’m not going to let it (we will not let it) but you have to be willing to *face* it, not only acknowledging…⁠
⁠
How does the blue survive? ⁠
⁠
By turning to herself, asking herself what is real and by fighting for that, all the time, every day, every month of every minute of the year and forever. Because I am me and that’s ALL I will ever be. And all I need. ME- she’s protected, she’s cared for, she’s whole.”⁠

A Message From Your Future Self

“I am whole. I am full. I am like a circle that is open and flowing and full to the brim…with ME. I am not masking my true self…but always open. Always asking. Always comforting. Always ready to love.

I am not perfect. I spill out…sometimes.

But I trust.

I trust my shape. I trust my colors. I trust my process.

I trust Me.
I trust my ability to return back to myself when things start to shift.

I know you don’t always feel this grounded…this safe, within yourself.

Today I am here to remind you that this hard work of getting up, trying again, trusting again, living again…this work of turning back toward You…

That is what’s building our feeling of Wholeness.
Our sense of Safety.
Our feelings of Flow and Ease.

You ARE already Whole. You ARE already complete. You ARE your True Self.

The feelings, though…that’s the tricky part. You don’t always feel your wholeness. You waver in your awareness of these truths.

But they are there, within you.

I ask you to take one step toward me now…toward the knowing that what you seek is already within you.

Take a deep belly breath.
Settle.
With hand on your heart, say with me: “I am Whole.”

-Your Future Self”

We are a community of Overcomers!

Looking to connect with other women who get it? Click here to join my FREE Facebook Group, Women Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse. It’s a private community designed just for you.

Ready to go deeper?

CLICK HERE to learn about the monthly Redefined Membership, which includes my 10-week Challenge, The Redefined Process.

❤️Jennifer

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4. Why this art process works.

“It feels luscious and open and like there’s more to find, more to be, places to go, oceans to swim in and new people to love.”

Where are you going, Overcomer?

Have you given yourself permission to explore a new world of joy that lives somewhere beyond the trauma reactions you feel so stuck in today?

I know first hand how hard it can be to pull ourselves out of those familiar (yet unwanted) emotional and behavioral patterns. But…it can be done!

In this episode of Art That Overcomes, we’ll explore just that, and along the way I’ll explain more about art therapy, and this process that I teach. This one’s choc full of information, so you won’t want to miss it!

Scroll down to view the art images, related free association writing, and Message From Your Future Self that I discuss in Episode 4: Why this art process works.

Listen and subscribe to Art That Overcomes on Apple Podcasts or Spotify, right now! If you like it, give it a 5 star rating and review so that other Overcomers can find it too (all those listens and reviews bump it up in the algorithm).

>Missed last week’s podcast email? CLICK HERE to check out the art and writing featured in Episode 3: Why we need to feel grief.

Episode 4: Why this art process works.

“It’s connected, flowing, beautiful, bubbly, calm in the close-up, a little chaotic from a distance – but oh so beautiful when you dig in deep and stare at its core, all its little hidden places of wonder and discovery and adventure and play. ⁠
⁠
I want to dive into that smudgy white and blue part. ⁠
⁠
What feels so good about that part?⁠
⁠
It feels luscious and open and like there’s more to find, more to be, places to go, oceans to swim in and new people to love. ⁠
⁠
If you go in deep – below the surface of that paper and through the wall and through the vintage brick exterior to the root of all that makes life happen – in my heart – My Creator, my Way, my Way Maker….⁠
⁠
He makes a way out of the ugliest of places and circumstances and happenstances and planned situations and unplanned and manipulation and abuse and mistreatment of all  kinds….⁠
⁠
All the ways people use people to be someone they’re not and were never meant to be. ⁠
⁠
There – through and past all of it – ⁠
⁠
I float.”⁠

A Message From Your Future Self

“What would it mean for you to feel happiness, joy…contentment? What would it mean for you to CHOOSE that…right now, and then…again, and again?

I remember how this wasn’t always a simple question for us to answer.

So many days, months, and years have been devoted to the struggle… the trauma reactions that kept you on high alert… the grief that weighed you down… and the anxiety that felt like an unwanted (yet familiar) friend.

Choosing another path takes courage…it requires great strength.

You will face resistance along the way…not only from your own familiar patterns, but push-back from others too… the ones who are used to You playing the role of the victim, the abused, the sad, the lonely…

They’re used to rescuing you.

And you…are used to being rescued.

But now, I’m calling you to rise. I’m calling you to give us permission to feel GOOD. I’m calling you to step forward and claim this…

It’s YOUR future. Our future. Our dreams. Our life. Our destiny.

We. Are. Allowed to enjoy it.

Lift up your head and come with me now. We are walking into joy.

-Your Future Self”

We are a community of Overcomers!

Looking to connect with other women who get it? Click here to join my FREE Facebook Group, Women Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse. It’s a private community designed just for you.

Ready to go deeper?

CLICK HERE to learn about the monthly Redefined Membership, which includes my 10-week Challenge, The Redefined Process.

❤️Jennifer

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Why we need to feel grief

“The black is more at the bottom. I put it there. The other top colors needed to fall…to dissipate into the darker floor. They needed to trickle and be enveloped and held there by the anchoring grief.”

What is your typical response when those darker, uncomfortable, and negative emotions start to rise?

Do you shove them down, or embrace them?

In this week’s episode of Art That Overcomes, I invite you into my own exploration of the way that “negative” and “positive” emotions interact in my brain, body, and artwork. We’ll be looking at a mixed media collage I created a few months ago, where the weight of grief was especially present.

Scroll down to view the art images, related free association writing, and Message From Your Future Self that I discuss in Episode 3: Why we need to feel grief.

Listen and subscribe to Art That Overcomes on Apple Podcasts or Spotify, right now! If you like it, give it a 5 star rating and review so that other Overcomers can find it too (all those listens and reviews bump it up in the algorithm).

>Missed last week’s podcast email? CLICK HERE to check out the art and writing featured in Episode 2: Self Sabotage or Victim Blaming?

Episode 3: Why we need to feel grief

Mixed Media Collage (construction paper, oil pastel, acrylic paint, mod podge glue)

“Up. Down. High and low. So much tearing, so much paper here. So many layers. All in me. All encompassing. Passing through me and in me and above me and on me. ⁠
⁠
Get it off?⁠ Or let it be — be inside me and flowing — crashing — tearing…out?⁠
⁠
No of course it has to come out, to come barreling out however it needs, and I need to allow, give the space to do that. ⁠
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It seems like the antithesis of what I *should* be feeling. ⁠
⁠Shouldn’t I be grateful? Trusting? Hopeful? Bright?⁠
⁠
You should be who you need to be – that’s at the root of who you are and your gifting. You are able to stretch and be you. Full steam ahead….⁠
⁠
The black is more at the bottom. I put it there. The other top colors needed to fall… to dissipate into the darker floor. They needed to trickle and be enveloped and held there by the anchoring grief.

I feel the texture. It’s so lively and vibrant and jumps off the page. ⁠
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It’s moving. ⁠
⁠
It’s Alive, FREE!⁠
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Expressive. ⁠
⁠
Doing what it pleases, what it wants and needs. That’s what I need to do, how I need to be – not crawling in a hole of conformity and insecure emotions and lack and longing and longing to belong and I just need to be who I need to be for me and others. “⁠

A Message From Your Future Self

“Will you let me take care of you for a moment? Will you let me hold these big emotions?

You’re safe with me.
Take a breath. Let your body sink into the surface of your chair, couch, or bed. Rest here.

This is about you and me, right now. No one else.

Let out your tears. It’s okay. I remember this day, when the weight of so many life changes seemed to be crashing down all over again.

It feels like you have to conquer this alone….and like the weight will never leave. You are the strong one. You are the one who’s making sure others are okay. You’re the one who can’t let them down again….You can’t burden them like last time.

But what if I told you that you’re not a burden at all, and you never have been? What if I told you that from my vantage point, far in the future, it’s clear that you did nothing wrong. You devote energy to guilt and shame, but what if I held that for you…right now? What if I told you that dwelling on this weight is your choice? Our choice?

Do you believe me?

Where do you feel this weight in your body now? Your shoulders, stomach, head….all over?

Imagine this with me:

As you lay or sit there now, I come sit right along beside you. Future You, whom you trust, is here now. I gently reach over and lift that weight right off…as if it’s a tangible object.

What is the shape of that weight? The worry, fear, guilt, shame, regret, or grief…what does it look like?

You see how strong I am, and how I lift it off with such ease. You’re free to hold it again, if you need to. But I’ve got it for now.  

‘That’s it?’, Present You says.

‘Yes, that’s it’, I respond. ‘The choice was always ours.’

-Your Future Self”

Join me in the Redefined Membership!

I’m an artist, licensed art therapist, and online coach who helps women like you overcome the lasting effects of narcissistic abuse so you can get unstuck, redefine your identity, and finally build the confidence to make your daydreams a reality. I’ll teach you the same art techniques that have been life-changing in my own recovery.

It’s all about redefining YOU.

CLICK HERE to learn about the monthly Redefined Membership, which includes my 10-week Challenge, The Redefined Process.

❤️Jennifer

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Self Sabotage or Victim Blaming?

Art That Overcomes Podcast, Episode 2

“But you choose to feel like you’re failing. You choose to look at this picture and you need to turn the page and make a new one – constantly, every day. More than once per day. Make a new picture until the old one stops feeling real…”⁠

>How does that sit with you? How would you feel if someone said that to you?

Some of us would feel insulted, blamed, or even shamed. Some of us would feel challenged, in a good way. Or, it might just depend on the day!

>What if it was you (an inner part of your subconscious brain) who spoke these words to you? Would you listen and make a move, or choose to stay planted in place?

In this week’s episode of Art That Overcomes, I address just that. Sometimes it’s hard to tell whether our inner voice is speaking hurtful, victim blaming words leftover from the narcissist, or actually making us aware of self-sabotaging thoughts that we have the power to change.

Scroll down to view the art images, related free association writing, and Message From Your Future Self that I discuss in Episode 2: Self Sabotage or Victim Blaming?.

Listen and subscribe to Art That Overcomes on Apple Podcasts or Spotify, right now! If you like it, give it a 5 star rating and review so that other Overcomers can find it too (all those listens and reviews bump it up in the algorithm).

>Missed last week’s podcast email? CLICK HERE to check out the art and writing featured in Episode 1: When things feel heavy…

Art Image Number 1

“F**k this. I don’t want it anymore. NO. NO. NO.⁠
⁠
I am Leader Jennifer.⁠
I am me.⁠
I am not these feelings, this trauma shit. ⁠
⁠
I’m so tired. ⁠
I am *tired*. ⁠
⁠
I want out. ⁠
Out of it. ⁠
Out of the drama. ⁠
⁠
I just want to be happy and eternally tapped into Leader Jennifer – into the *knowing*, the deep knowing that it’s all going to be okay. ⁠
⁠
Why don’t I feel like I have that power now? ⁠
⁠
Because you won’t let it. You won’t see. You don’t want it, you want to f**k with it and not play for real. You want out of the new Leader Jennifer. ⁠
⁠
Your actions show that. ⁠
⁠
How do I choose it, for real? because it feels like I’m doing all I can?⁠
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I walk into the doors of my heart and I shout NO, I won’t let you overtake me, Pain, Heartache, Depression. I do the hard work every day to shut it the f**k down. ⁠
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But that answer doesn’t help. It still makes me feel shitty and like I’m failing, all the time, all the ways? ⁠
⁠
But you choose to feel like you’re failing. You choose to look at this picture and you need to turn the page and make a new one – constantly, every day. More than once per day. Make a new picture until the old one stops feeling real…”⁠

Art Image Number 2

“I AM HERE NOW. THANKS FOR FOLLOWING. ⁠
⁠
Why is she pink?⁠
⁠
Why not. She is her and everything she’s meant to be. Why the f**k not be pink, orange, black, bold and soft, quiet and loud. All of it. ⁠
⁠
For me by me. ⁠
In my opinion. ⁠
No one gets to say otherwise. ⁠
Here I go. ⁠
I’m blooming. ⁠
Watch me. ⁠
⁠
Let’s go. ⁠
Let’s keep going…⁠
to the next sketchbook… ⁠
⁠
NEW.”⁠

A Message From Your Future Self

“What if???

What if…life didn’t feel so damn hard every single day?
What if there was some kind of breakthrough that could happen?

What if you could envision your future goals and dreams clearly this time, and actually believe you’ll get there?

Remember, I’m the Future You, the one who’s made it there to that Future Place that seems so foggy right now, from where you stand.

Take a few deep breaths with me, now, as I invite you to imagine this with me for a moment…

Breathe in…and out…
Take another big breath in…and out…
One more time, at your own pace….

Close your eyes with me and imagine:

You wake up tomorrow morning, and everything has changed (for the better). The feelings of overwhelm, anxiety, guilt, self-doubt…that often debilitating sadness that you can’t quite explain…that weight in your shoulders, or tightness in your gut…

Those feelings just. aren’t. there.

As you continue to breathe….Imagine a feeling of lightness, a feeling of ease…a powerful energy coursing through your body, now that the weight has lifted and the pain has subsided. You’re not sinking…You are RISING.  

What do you see? What do you envision right in front of you, as you’re feeling this relief, this positive energy in your body, and in your emotions.

What’s there in front of you?

And now….What will you do? What’s your first move? The first action you feel compelled to take?

There’s no wrong answer here, and You are completely in control. The best advice I can give you, from this Future Place where I stand, is to trust YOU….your voice…your intuition…and simply MOVE. Take one action. Do something. And do something that feels right for YOU.

Again, imagine that action…that step…that move.

And as you open your eyes, I invite you to write it down. Remember it. And then….go do it.

-Your Future Self”

Join me in the Redefined Membership!

I’m an artist, licensed art therapist, and online coach who helps women like you overcome the lasting effects of narcissistic abuse so you can get unstuck, redefine your identity, and finally build the confidence to make your daydreams a reality. I’ll teach you the same art techniques that have been life-changing in my own recovery.

It’s all about redefining YOU.

CLICK HERE to learn about the monthly Redefined Membership, which includes my 10-week Challenge, The Redefined Process.

❤️Jennifer

Posted on

When things feel…heavy

Art That Overcomes Podcast, Episode 1

You can listen and subscribe to Art That Overcomes on Apple Podcasts or Spotify, right now! If you like it, give it a 5 star rating and review so that other Overcomers can find it too (all those listens and reviews bump it up in the algorithm).

The narcissist isn’t in charge anymore. It’s your turn, Overcomer.

In each episode of Art That Overcomes, you’ll hear me share a glimpse into my unique art and writing process that helps women like you redefine your identity after narcissistic abuse, one drawing or painting at a time. I also invite you to imagine what encouraging words your Future Self may have for you today.

And, every week I’ll be sending you an email with the art image, responsive writing, and message from your Future Self that was included in the episode.

To sign up to receive weekly emails, go here: https://linktr.ee/jenniferakramer

My Free Association Writing in Response to the Image:

“I can’t breathe. It feels heavy. I don’t like it – the darkness. I almost didn’t include it in the drawing. ⁠
⁠
I almost said, no, go away. But that’s why I’m here…to look at it. ⁠
⁠
I went to a place I don’t like to go…I thought about the hurt and cried and let it out and then I made this orange oval. And I turned on music and I felt good – for a moment – then the black came. ⁠
⁠
The color of…blame, shame, and insults. ⁠
⁠
How do I look at them and then move past them? ⁠
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We highlight them for what they are. Not condemning, but looking at the reality of their behaviors and who I am and what I need, deserve, and want. ⁠
⁠
I can tell it what it is and where it belongs. ⁠
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I can move it out, usher it out, with my blue me (my identity) traveling right through the yellow light of truth. ⁠
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It can leave because the truth of who I am and who you [God] are can tell it to go. We can decide. I have control over it. I allow it in and I can release it. ⁠
⁠
What else do you want me to know? ⁠
⁠
The black can be fuzzy and pretty on the edges. It’s not all bad. I learn from it. It’s inevitable that I’ll have some black weighty feelings in life. It’s normal. It feels so heavy and stuck in the middle, but it can flow, if I release it. I do have the choice.”⁠

A Message from Your Future Self

“I SEE you here…today, right now. In this moment.

I see your anxiety and questions and so much wondering about what. will. happen. next.

I know that longing to move forward, to be anywhere but here. I remember so vividly being there with you…

But here’s what else I remember…I also remember what it took to get to where I am now. What was needed in order for you to muster up the courage, power, and confidence to move forward.

And here’s what might surprise you, here…right now…in this moment…In this swirling of anxiety, overwhelm, and doubt….

There was no magic moment….no hero swooping in to rescue you…and no big secret to uncover.

What helped you move forward (what helped US move forward) was precisely what you’re doing with me here…right now…in this moment.

You are OPEN. You are FEELING. You are acknowledging and honoring every single one of those uncomfortable emotions that just don’t seem to leave you alone.

You’re not cowering, and you’re not backing down.

Oh, how much I want you to understand, that EVEN on your hard days, the times when you shut out the world and numb yourself because the pain just feels too massive…

Even on those days, you haven’t given up.

I KNOW you.

And I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that each time you take a break, step back, and recalibrate….caring for yourself without apology…. THOSE are the times that you come back…even stronger.

Each and every time…you get. back. up.

-Your Future Self”

Join me in the Redefined Membership!

I’m an artist, licensed art therapist, and online coach who helps women like you overcome the lasting effects of narcissistic abuse so you can get unstuck, redefine your identity, and finally build the confidence to make your daydreams a reality. I’ll teach you the same art techniques that have been life-changing in my own recovery.

It’s all about redefining YOU.

CLICK HERE to learn about the monthly Redefined Membership, which includes my 10-week Challenge, The Redefined Process.

❤️Jennifer