Blog

Posted on

4. Why this art process works.

“It feels luscious and open and like there’s more to find, more to be, places to go, oceans to swim in and new people to love.”

Where are you going, Overcomer?

Have you given yourself permission to explore a new world of joy that lives somewhere beyond the trauma reactions you feel so stuck in today?

I know first hand how hard it can be to pull ourselves out of those familiar (yet unwanted) emotional and behavioral patterns. But…it can be done!

In this episode of Art That Overcomes, we’ll explore just that, and along the way I’ll explain more about art therapy, and this process that I teach. This one’s choc full of information, so you won’t want to miss it!

Scroll down to view the art images, related free association writing, and Message From Your Future Self that I discuss in Episode 4: Why this art process works.

Listen and subscribe to Art That Overcomes on Apple Podcasts or Spotify, right now! If you like it, give it a 5 star rating and review so that other Overcomers can find it too (all those listens and reviews bump it up in the algorithm).

>Missed last week’s podcast email? CLICK HERE to check out the art and writing featured in Episode 3: Why we need to feel grief.

Episode 4: Why this art process works.

“It’s connected, flowing, beautiful, bubbly, calm in the close-up, a little chaotic from a distance – but oh so beautiful when you dig in deep and stare at its core, all its little hidden places of wonder and discovery and adventure and play. ⁠
⁠
I want to dive into that smudgy white and blue part. ⁠
⁠
What feels so good about that part?⁠
⁠
It feels luscious and open and like there’s more to find, more to be, places to go, oceans to swim in and new people to love. ⁠
⁠
If you go in deep – below the surface of that paper and through the wall and through the vintage brick exterior to the root of all that makes life happen – in my heart – My Creator, my Way, my Way Maker….⁠
⁠
He makes a way out of the ugliest of places and circumstances and happenstances and planned situations and unplanned and manipulation and abuse and mistreatment of all  kinds….⁠
⁠
All the ways people use people to be someone they’re not and were never meant to be. ⁠
⁠
There – through and past all of it – ⁠
⁠
I float.”⁠

A Message From Your Future Self

“What would it mean for you to feel happiness, joy…contentment? What would it mean for you to CHOOSE that…right now, and then…again, and again?

I remember how this wasn’t always a simple question for us to answer.

So many days, months, and years have been devoted to the struggle… the trauma reactions that kept you on high alert… the grief that weighed you down… and the anxiety that felt like an unwanted (yet familiar) friend.

Choosing another path takes courage…it requires great strength.

You will face resistance along the way…not only from your own familiar patterns, but push-back from others too… the ones who are used to You playing the role of the victim, the abused, the sad, the lonely…

They’re used to rescuing you.

And you…are used to being rescued.

But now, I’m calling you to rise. I’m calling you to give us permission to feel GOOD. I’m calling you to step forward and claim this…

It’s YOUR future. Our future. Our dreams. Our life. Our destiny.

We. Are. Allowed to enjoy it.

Lift up your head and come with me now. We are walking into joy.

-Your Future Self”

We are a community of Overcomers!

Looking to connect with other women who get it? Click here to join my FREE Facebook Group, Women Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse. It’s a private community designed just for you.

Ready to go deeper?

CLICK HERE to learn about the monthly Redefined Membership, which includes my 10-week Challenge, The Redefined Process.

❤️Jennifer

Posted on

Why we need to feel grief

“The black is more at the bottom. I put it there. The other top colors needed to fall…to dissipate into the darker floor. They needed to trickle and be enveloped and held there by the anchoring grief.”

What is your typical response when those darker, uncomfortable, and negative emotions start to rise?

Do you shove them down, or embrace them?

In this week’s episode of Art That Overcomes, I invite you into my own exploration of the way that “negative” and “positive” emotions interact in my brain, body, and artwork. We’ll be looking at a mixed media collage I created a few months ago, where the weight of grief was especially present.

Scroll down to view the art images, related free association writing, and Message From Your Future Self that I discuss in Episode 3: Why we need to feel grief.

Listen and subscribe to Art That Overcomes on Apple Podcasts or Spotify, right now! If you like it, give it a 5 star rating and review so that other Overcomers can find it too (all those listens and reviews bump it up in the algorithm).

>Missed last week’s podcast email? CLICK HERE to check out the art and writing featured in Episode 2: Self Sabotage or Victim Blaming?

Episode 3: Why we need to feel grief

Mixed Media Collage (construction paper, oil pastel, acrylic paint, mod podge glue)

“Up. Down. High and low. So much tearing, so much paper here. So many layers. All in me. All encompassing. Passing through me and in me and above me and on me. ⁠
⁠
Get it off?⁠ Or let it be — be inside me and flowing — crashing — tearing…out?⁠
⁠
No of course it has to come out, to come barreling out however it needs, and I need to allow, give the space to do that. ⁠
⁠
It seems like the antithesis of what I *should* be feeling. ⁠
⁠Shouldn’t I be grateful? Trusting? Hopeful? Bright?⁠
⁠
You should be who you need to be – that’s at the root of who you are and your gifting. You are able to stretch and be you. Full steam ahead….⁠
⁠
The black is more at the bottom. I put it there. The other top colors needed to fall… to dissipate into the darker floor. They needed to trickle and be enveloped and held there by the anchoring grief.

I feel the texture. It’s so lively and vibrant and jumps off the page. ⁠
⁠
It’s moving. ⁠
⁠
It’s Alive, FREE!⁠
⁠
Expressive. ⁠
⁠
Doing what it pleases, what it wants and needs. That’s what I need to do, how I need to be – not crawling in a hole of conformity and insecure emotions and lack and longing and longing to belong and I just need to be who I need to be for me and others. “⁠

A Message From Your Future Self

“Will you let me take care of you for a moment? Will you let me hold these big emotions?

You’re safe with me.
Take a breath. Let your body sink into the surface of your chair, couch, or bed. Rest here.

This is about you and me, right now. No one else.

Let out your tears. It’s okay. I remember this day, when the weight of so many life changes seemed to be crashing down all over again.

It feels like you have to conquer this alone….and like the weight will never leave. You are the strong one. You are the one who’s making sure others are okay. You’re the one who can’t let them down again….You can’t burden them like last time.

But what if I told you that you’re not a burden at all, and you never have been? What if I told you that from my vantage point, far in the future, it’s clear that you did nothing wrong. You devote energy to guilt and shame, but what if I held that for you…right now? What if I told you that dwelling on this weight is your choice? Our choice?

Do you believe me?

Where do you feel this weight in your body now? Your shoulders, stomach, head….all over?

Imagine this with me:

As you lay or sit there now, I come sit right along beside you. Future You, whom you trust, is here now. I gently reach over and lift that weight right off…as if it’s a tangible object.

What is the shape of that weight? The worry, fear, guilt, shame, regret, or grief…what does it look like?

You see how strong I am, and how I lift it off with such ease. You’re free to hold it again, if you need to. But I’ve got it for now.  

‘That’s it?’, Present You says.

‘Yes, that’s it’, I respond. ‘The choice was always ours.’

-Your Future Self”

Join me in the Redefined Membership!

I’m an artist, licensed art therapist, and online coach who helps women like you overcome the lasting effects of narcissistic abuse so you can get unstuck, redefine your identity, and finally build the confidence to make your daydreams a reality. I’ll teach you the same art techniques that have been life-changing in my own recovery.

It’s all about redefining YOU.

CLICK HERE to learn about the monthly Redefined Membership, which includes my 10-week Challenge, The Redefined Process.

❤️Jennifer

Posted on

Self Sabotage or Victim Blaming?

Art That Overcomes Podcast, Episode 2

“But you choose to feel like you’re failing. You choose to look at this picture and you need to turn the page and make a new one – constantly, every day. More than once per day. Make a new picture until the old one stops feeling real…”⁠

>How does that sit with you? How would you feel if someone said that to you?

Some of us would feel insulted, blamed, or even shamed. Some of us would feel challenged, in a good way. Or, it might just depend on the day!

>What if it was you (an inner part of your subconscious brain) who spoke these words to you? Would you listen and make a move, or choose to stay planted in place?

In this week’s episode of Art That Overcomes, I address just that. Sometimes it’s hard to tell whether our inner voice is speaking hurtful, victim blaming words leftover from the narcissist, or actually making us aware of self-sabotaging thoughts that we have the power to change.

Scroll down to view the art images, related free association writing, and Message From Your Future Self that I discuss in Episode 2: Self Sabotage or Victim Blaming?.

Listen and subscribe to Art That Overcomes on Apple Podcasts or Spotify, right now! If you like it, give it a 5 star rating and review so that other Overcomers can find it too (all those listens and reviews bump it up in the algorithm).

>Missed last week’s podcast email? CLICK HERE to check out the art and writing featured in Episode 1: When things feel heavy…

Art Image Number 1

“F**k this. I don’t want it anymore. NO. NO. NO.⁠
⁠
I am Leader Jennifer.⁠
I am me.⁠
I am not these feelings, this trauma shit. ⁠
⁠
I’m so tired. ⁠
I am *tired*. ⁠
⁠
I want out. ⁠
Out of it. ⁠
Out of the drama. ⁠
⁠
I just want to be happy and eternally tapped into Leader Jennifer – into the *knowing*, the deep knowing that it’s all going to be okay. ⁠
⁠
Why don’t I feel like I have that power now? ⁠
⁠
Because you won’t let it. You won’t see. You don’t want it, you want to f**k with it and not play for real. You want out of the new Leader Jennifer. ⁠
⁠
Your actions show that. ⁠
⁠
How do I choose it, for real? because it feels like I’m doing all I can?⁠
⁠
I walk into the doors of my heart and I shout NO, I won’t let you overtake me, Pain, Heartache, Depression. I do the hard work every day to shut it the f**k down. ⁠
⁠
But that answer doesn’t help. It still makes me feel shitty and like I’m failing, all the time, all the ways? ⁠
⁠
But you choose to feel like you’re failing. You choose to look at this picture and you need to turn the page and make a new one – constantly, every day. More than once per day. Make a new picture until the old one stops feeling real…”⁠

Art Image Number 2

“I AM HERE NOW. THANKS FOR FOLLOWING. ⁠
⁠
Why is she pink?⁠
⁠
Why not. She is her and everything she’s meant to be. Why the f**k not be pink, orange, black, bold and soft, quiet and loud. All of it. ⁠
⁠
For me by me. ⁠
In my opinion. ⁠
No one gets to say otherwise. ⁠
Here I go. ⁠
I’m blooming. ⁠
Watch me. ⁠
⁠
Let’s go. ⁠
Let’s keep going…⁠
to the next sketchbook… ⁠
⁠
NEW.”⁠

A Message From Your Future Self

“What if???

What if…life didn’t feel so damn hard every single day?
What if there was some kind of breakthrough that could happen?

What if you could envision your future goals and dreams clearly this time, and actually believe you’ll get there?

Remember, I’m the Future You, the one who’s made it there to that Future Place that seems so foggy right now, from where you stand.

Take a few deep breaths with me, now, as I invite you to imagine this with me for a moment…

Breathe in…and out…
Take another big breath in…and out…
One more time, at your own pace….

Close your eyes with me and imagine:

You wake up tomorrow morning, and everything has changed (for the better). The feelings of overwhelm, anxiety, guilt, self-doubt…that often debilitating sadness that you can’t quite explain…that weight in your shoulders, or tightness in your gut…

Those feelings just. aren’t. there.

As you continue to breathe….Imagine a feeling of lightness, a feeling of ease…a powerful energy coursing through your body, now that the weight has lifted and the pain has subsided. You’re not sinking…You are RISING.  

What do you see? What do you envision right in front of you, as you’re feeling this relief, this positive energy in your body, and in your emotions.

What’s there in front of you?

And now….What will you do? What’s your first move? The first action you feel compelled to take?

There’s no wrong answer here, and You are completely in control. The best advice I can give you, from this Future Place where I stand, is to trust YOU….your voice…your intuition…and simply MOVE. Take one action. Do something. And do something that feels right for YOU.

Again, imagine that action…that step…that move.

And as you open your eyes, I invite you to write it down. Remember it. And then….go do it.

-Your Future Self”

Join me in the Redefined Membership!

I’m an artist, licensed art therapist, and online coach who helps women like you overcome the lasting effects of narcissistic abuse so you can get unstuck, redefine your identity, and finally build the confidence to make your daydreams a reality. I’ll teach you the same art techniques that have been life-changing in my own recovery.

It’s all about redefining YOU.

CLICK HERE to learn about the monthly Redefined Membership, which includes my 10-week Challenge, The Redefined Process.

❤️Jennifer

Posted on

When things feel…heavy

Art That Overcomes Podcast, Episode 1

You can listen and subscribe to Art That Overcomes on Apple Podcasts or Spotify, right now! If you like it, give it a 5 star rating and review so that other Overcomers can find it too (all those listens and reviews bump it up in the algorithm).

The narcissist isn’t in charge anymore. It’s your turn, Overcomer.

In each episode of Art That Overcomes, you’ll hear me share a glimpse into my unique art and writing process that helps women like you redefine your identity after narcissistic abuse, one drawing or painting at a time. I also invite you to imagine what encouraging words your Future Self may have for you today.

And, every week I’ll be sending you an email with the art image, responsive writing, and message from your Future Self that was included in the episode.

To sign up to receive weekly emails, go here: https://linktr.ee/jenniferakramer

My Free Association Writing in Response to the Image:

“I can’t breathe. It feels heavy. I don’t like it – the darkness. I almost didn’t include it in the drawing. ⁠
⁠
I almost said, no, go away. But that’s why I’m here…to look at it. ⁠
⁠
I went to a place I don’t like to go…I thought about the hurt and cried and let it out and then I made this orange oval. And I turned on music and I felt good – for a moment – then the black came. ⁠
⁠
The color of…blame, shame, and insults. ⁠
⁠
How do I look at them and then move past them? ⁠
⁠
We highlight them for what they are. Not condemning, but looking at the reality of their behaviors and who I am and what I need, deserve, and want. ⁠
⁠
I can tell it what it is and where it belongs. ⁠
⁠
I can move it out, usher it out, with my blue me (my identity) traveling right through the yellow light of truth. ⁠
⁠
It can leave because the truth of who I am and who you [God] are can tell it to go. We can decide. I have control over it. I allow it in and I can release it. ⁠
⁠
What else do you want me to know? ⁠
⁠
The black can be fuzzy and pretty on the edges. It’s not all bad. I learn from it. It’s inevitable that I’ll have some black weighty feelings in life. It’s normal. It feels so heavy and stuck in the middle, but it can flow, if I release it. I do have the choice.”⁠

A Message from Your Future Self

“I SEE you here…today, right now. In this moment.

I see your anxiety and questions and so much wondering about what. will. happen. next.

I know that longing to move forward, to be anywhere but here. I remember so vividly being there with you…

But here’s what else I remember…I also remember what it took to get to where I am now. What was needed in order for you to muster up the courage, power, and confidence to move forward.

And here’s what might surprise you, here…right now…in this moment…In this swirling of anxiety, overwhelm, and doubt….

There was no magic moment….no hero swooping in to rescue you…and no big secret to uncover.

What helped you move forward (what helped US move forward) was precisely what you’re doing with me here…right now…in this moment.

You are OPEN. You are FEELING. You are acknowledging and honoring every single one of those uncomfortable emotions that just don’t seem to leave you alone.

You’re not cowering, and you’re not backing down.

Oh, how much I want you to understand, that EVEN on your hard days, the times when you shut out the world and numb yourself because the pain just feels too massive…

Even on those days, you haven’t given up.

I KNOW you.

And I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that each time you take a break, step back, and recalibrate….caring for yourself without apology…. THOSE are the times that you come back…even stronger.

Each and every time…you get. back. up.

-Your Future Self”

Join me in the Redefined Membership!

I’m an artist, licensed art therapist, and online coach who helps women like you overcome the lasting effects of narcissistic abuse so you can get unstuck, redefine your identity, and finally build the confidence to make your daydreams a reality. I’ll teach you the same art techniques that have been life-changing in my own recovery.

It’s all about redefining YOU.

CLICK HERE to learn about the monthly Redefined Membership, which includes my 10-week Challenge, The Redefined Process.

❤️Jennifer

Posted on

When your body won’t let go of the stress.

Our emotions are deeply held and felt in our physical bodies. We cannot escape it. Fear, anxiety, stress, and trauma all manifest in chronic fatigue, pain, stiff muscles, headaches, sleeplessness, and more. Treatment modalities that engage our body as well as our subconscious mind are most effective. Through both the sensory qualities and narrative aspects of the art therapy process, we can begin to speak to this pain and learn to gradually release and find rest. And we can even learn to appreciate our pain for the wisdom it has to reveal.

The following is an excerpt from my witness writing after completing the first stage of this painting (above, left). The completed painting (right) shows my continued elaboration on the face image that had appeared, as I continued reflecting on my painful shoulders and their “wise eyes”.

“I painted the pain in my shoulders, in my neck. First blue, then white. But these colors didn’t speak to the pain. It needed red. The red is a flame of fire in my neck and coming out of my body onto the page. It is inside of me. A part of me, always. It loves me and I hate it. I want it gone. But it needs me, more than I think I need it.

It grows into wisdom, though. Into knowing. Knowing how to get out, how to be free and me and given the chance it will show all of you. Show you what I’m made of. A temper outburst tantrum in the gulf, in the trees inside of me. The trees of knowing. Of shame. Of unashamed. I am me in the middle of this all.

The knots in my shoulders became anchors for my eyes. The truth and wisdom that I need to grow, to find meaning and freedom from this — all this in my body — all the pain and uncertainty and disdain for my own body. The hatred for it all. The fatigue and pain. I want to float above it, to be like the tree and not like me; the me that I know underneath. I want to be the me that I know I can be.”

Posted on

Femininity – a loaded term.

Image created by Hearts Made Visible workshop participant (used with permission of the artist)

I was so inspired by the women who participated in my Summer 2019 Hearts Made Visible workshops. Their bravery, vulnerability and insight were truly a blessing for me to witness. One of the areas of identity we explored together was “femininity” — a loaded term in our culture today.

Here are some thought-provoking and often polarizing words and phrases that came up during our intro discussions:

Gentle, Subtle, Weight, Depth, Curves, Unique, Difficult, Identifier, Limiting in workplace, Strong, Lots of hats, Not subservient, Deep conversations, Appearance, Vulnerable, Delicate, Empathetic, Power differentials, Expectations, Specific “right” way to be, Norms?, Children (bio, adopt, choose not to, losses), Single vs Married, LGBTQ vs Heterosexual, “Emotional” = bad/wrong, Old vs New, Nurturing, Creative, Freeing, Limiting, Boldness, Less-than, Comforting, Slavery, Ideal vs Reality, Radiance, Softness with firmness/inner strength, Beauty, Leader, Intuitive, Personal, Changing/Transformation, Hidden strength, Endurance, Solid, Always evolving…

What comes to your mind when you hear the term “femininity”? Is it largely positive, negative, or filed with contradictions?

In the coming weeks, I will be announcing new, monthly workshop dates for 2020! Contact me through the Connect page to ask questions or to be added to my email list so you can receive updates.

#femininity #louisville #louisvilleart #feministart #arttherapy #identity #strength #vulnerability #witness #processpainting #trusttheprocess #thestudioprocess #trauma #traumasurvivor #abuse #community

Posted on

I was in the hallway.

I was in the hallway, 30″x22″, mixed media on paper
I was in the hallway (detail)

“This painting began as a hallway. A door. A traumatic memory. I turned it upside down. Literally on it’s head. That’s what it needed. My ground. My rock. My starting place. Bubbles floating and growing and going. And going. Everything opening. It feels so full. Growing. Blowing – but not away. Up and up. Like fire.” (excerpt from my reflective witness writing, done right after completing the painting)

The art-making process allows us to make new meaning from dark places. Through attaining a sense of control over the materials and images, we gain control over our emotions and responses to traumatic circumstances.

#louisville #louisvilleart #arttherapy #artasprocess #processpainting #trusttheprocess #thestudioprocess #witnesswriting #trauma #traumasurvivor #emotionalabuse #domesticviolence #domesticviolenceawareness #strength #griefandloss

Posted on

I am commanding calm.

“I am commanding calm.” 4’x4′, mixed media on canvas

This lady has been through so many transformations — about two-and-a-half years in the making. As I journeyed, so did she. As I felt free and powerful, she expressed it with her wings and color. As I felt overwhelmed, vulnerable, and stripped away, so did she. The finished product is a figure who, while still embodying all those feelings, is in control. In fact, it’s almost as if the bolder the waves and firey sky behind her, the more powerful she becomes.

#commandingcalm #brave #arttherapy #selfcare #allthefeelings #anxiety #depression #processpainting #trusttheprocess #thestudioprocess #domesticviolenceawareness