“I am here now…”

Spontaneous image making, 1 of 2

Free association writing in response to image 1:

“F**k this. I don’t want it anymore. NO. NO. NO.⁠

I am Leader Jennifer.⁠
I am me.⁠
I am not these feelings, this trauma sh*t. ⁠

I’m so tired. ⁠
I am *tired*. ⁠

I want out. ⁠
Out of it. ⁠
Out of the drama. ⁠

I just want to be happy and eternally tapped into Leader Jennifer – into the *knowing*, the deep knowing that it’s all going to be okay. ⁠

Why don’t I feel like I have that power now? ⁠

Because you won’t let it. You won’t see. You don’t want it, you want to f**k with it and not play for real. You want out of the new Leader Jennifer. ⁠

Your actions show that. ⁠

How do I choose it, for real? because it feels like I’m doing all I can?⁠

I walk into the doors of my heart and I shout NO, I won’t let you overtake me, Pain, Heartache, Depression. I do the hard work every day to shut it the f**k down. ⁠

But that answer doesn’t help. It still makes me feel sh*tty and like I’m failing, all the time, all the ways? ⁠

But you choose to feel like you’re failing. You choose to look at this picture and you need to turn the page and make a new one – constantly, every day. More than once per day. Make a new picture until the old one stops feeling real…⁠

Spontaneous image making, 2 of 2 – the next (and last) page in my sketchbook

Free association writing in response to image 2:

“I AM HERE NOW. THANKS FOR FOLLOWING. ⁠

Why is she pink?⁠

Why not. She is her and everything she’s meant to be. Why the f**k not be pink, orange, black, bold and soft, quiet and loud. All of it. ⁠

For me by me. ⁠
In my opinion. ⁠
No one gets to say otherwise. ⁠
Here I go. ⁠
I’m blooming. ⁠
Watch me. ⁠

Let’s go. ⁠
Let’s keep going…⁠
to the next sketchbook… ⁠

NEW.”

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These are excerpts from my own free association writing, related to the drawings pictured. ⁠

I teach my art therapy and coaching clients this artmaking and writing technique that I call The Redefined Process. It’s what helped me reconnect with and redefine my identity after narcissistic abuse, and it’s still so central in my healing. ⁠

Want to try it for yourself?⁠

👉Link below to learn more about my work with clients⁠
linktr.ee/jenniferakramer⁠
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❤️Jennifer⁠